The Nice Drunk

Here’s another true story for you guys.

This happened to me on 6 March, 2013.


I returned home from grocery shopping one night and as I’m taking the groceries out of the truck a drunk guy walks by and asks where 6H is. I point him in the right direction and tell him which building it most likely is. He thanks me and starts walking away. As I’m opening my apartment door I see him walk through my section of the apartments saying he’s lost and he doesn’t know where he is. I tell him again that he needs to go in the direction I pointed him in but he says he already did and then starts following a couple walking to the mailbox, asking them where 6H is. So I put the groceries down inside the apartment, go downstairs and tell him I’ll take him over there.

By the way, I’m the kind of person who has to bring in every bag in one shot so if you ever see me cutting off the circulation to my wrists then help a girl out, will ya?

Anyway, as we’re walking he starts crying and telling me he’s lost, that he’s never been to Sacramento, that he’s new in town and he’s trying to find his brother’s apartment. As he’s crying he proceeds to tell me he’s not a crybaby. I told him I didn’t think he was and that it’s understandable to get lost in a place you’ve never been to before.

He asks me if he can take me to breakfast. I tell him I can’t because I have school really early in the morning and he tells me my husband is a lucky man. Then he trips, falls, and starts crying again. I help him up and he asks again if he can take me to breakfast. I repeated the school thing and he repeats that my husband is a lucky man. A LOT. Thankfully we found the apartment right after that.

He kissed my hand goodbye and as he’s walking up the stairs the following conversation happened:

JR: “How old are you?”

Me: “Thirty-two”

He gets a funny look on his face and says, “You’re not THAT old! You look 21! Do you have any kids?”

“No.”

“Can we make some?”

“No.”

Then he told me I better tell my husband that JR is in town and he’d better watch out.

I assured him I would tell my husband to give me some kids very soon and walked back to my apartment.

Now I’m curious to know who this mysterious husband I have is. If anyone finds out, message me okay?

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